Friday, August 15, 2014

Seltzer vs. Diet Coke

Ladies and ladies, friends and sisters (seriously, only my friends and sisters read this), you pinged me and I responded, so without further ado, here's my half-drafted/half-assed thoughts on seltzer, Diet Coke, and the friend zone.

I'm a Diet Coke addict. Though I limit myself to one a day, I can't go 24 hours without it. I get one sometime in the afternoon as my daily reward for just being me. My addiction has inconvenienced me and anyone else in my company when the desire strikes, except my dad who is both my accomplice and enabler in our joint struggle against DC.

I used to have two a day, but the stomach bloat and acne that started to plague me on the reg made me reduce my intake to one. In the time that I'm not drinking Diet Coke, I sip seltzer. I like seltzer for its carbonated properties and faint tastes of raspberry lime and cranberry-apple, but I don't crave it like I crave DC. That's the thing with seltzer and Diet Coke: seltzer is great, you like it, but it isn't as good as DC, and while you're waiting for the time to come to have your Diet Coke, you sip seltzer.

That's what it's like being in the friend zone. Think of it like this: the object of your affection is the consumer/addict of carbonated beverages and you're the carbonated beverage. Are you seltzer or Diet Coke? If you're the friend, you're seltzer. Diet Coke is the dream. You're friends with the guy, and while he likes spending time with you, he's always waiting for something better. You satiate his need for company/hydration, but at the end of the day, you're just flavored water. You don't have the za za zoo of Diet Coke.

GET IT?!

Now, where does Diet Dr. Pepper fall on the spectrum?

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