Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Boy Band Turtlenecks

I'm writing this from Montréal, a place so frigidly cold that I've so far avoided taking showers for fear of my wet hair freezing into molded curls. The room I'm in has a current temperature of 23 degrees Celsius, which is about 73 degrees Fahrenheit. I think I'd be better off if this were all in Kelvin. I'm sitting on the floor with one side of my body pressed against the radiator, and the burning sensation on my elbow is surprisingly comforting right now.

My first few hours in Montréal have made me realize the primacy turtlenecks should take in one's winter wardrobe. I used to scoff at all nape-concealing tops because they reminded me of the Lands End ones my mom would layer on my five year old self before dropping me off at ski school (a truly traumatic experience). Between the ages of ten and twenty, I considered turtlenecks to be an overly conservative vestiary option. "I'll reconsider when I'm 50," I'd say when they always found their way back into my closet courtesy of Santa Clause/my mom. But here I am, at the ripe age of 23, watching *NSYNC music videos in Montréal, thinking how badly I could use a turtleneck sweater. 

It's true.

I'm slightly embarrassed at the path I'm about to go down, but I recently rediscovered This I Promise You, and I've watched the music video enough times over the past two days to perform a comparative turtleneck analysis. As coordinated outfits are the leading indicator of boy band-iness, it only makes sense that every member of the fab five (excluding Joey) is wearing a turtleneck sweater, each of which is offensive in its own way. Lance's is hidden under a leather blazer that should take advantage of its highly flammable nature. Both JC's and Chris' are too fitted and ribbed, but Chris' eggplant color is more redeeming than JC's camel shade. As expected, Justin's sweater is the clear winner for its marled and cabled texture and its loose fit in the neck and shoulders. We should've been able to tell that JT would go solo based on his turtleneck taste alone. 

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